Elevator Pitch 2

Feedback Reflection: Both peer reviewers commented on my first line in the elevator pitch. Although in typical elevator pitch fashion you are to start with something that will catch attention, one reviewer felt it was unprofessional while the other said to hold off and to be more bold and direct to give the sense of being self-assured and knowledgeable. I have adjusted the wording to lead with my statistics that can accomplish what was suggested. I disagree with sounding unprofessional as it was more an icebreaker and showed off a sense of humor. The requirement is to be dynamic and attention grabbing. I was surprised by the comments to be more direct and quicker with tone to keep listener engaged. I did notice um’s and uh’s that I attempted to edit out as I assume this is what the comment was referring to.